The Havershiem Hammer Scoop!

Hello folks. This is Ronnie Havershiem, intrepid reporter, hot on the heels of one of America's greatest villains. No folks, I'm not talking about Osama Bin Laden, I'm not even talking about Zombie Elvis Saddam Hussein. These days my nose is sniffing out the foul smell of corruption and vice within America's newest street sensation, the FUCR. For those of you who don't follow this pinnacle of rank "entertainment", the FUCR is nothing more than a group of men, some distasteful women, and a collection of hangers ons who engage in the most brutal and depraved forms of organized sportlery this side of the border. I have delved into this world not as a fan, or even as someone who remotely approves of this "sport", but rather as a seeker of truth and justice. My prey has led me to its lair, and I must now enter the lions den. I do this for you, gentle reader and seeker of truth. I have followed the exploits of the infamous Count Dante for years, and today I am announcing that I will be undertaking an open-air expose of this monstrous person. His arrival out of thin air, and straight into the fat air of the FUCR is cause of concern for all of our children. And let me tell you folks, I won't let you down. I solemnly swear to expose Count Dante for what he is (a murdering monster)! And if in the meantime I need to tear down the FUCR, and those who support it, then so be it! From my first post, this is Ronnie Havershiem, with the Havershiem Hammer Scoop Special Report!

Count Dante... Murdering Killer? Or Killing Murderer?

It is no news to anyone who follows the underground world of rasslin' that Count Dante of the Black Dragon Fighting Society is one bad mamma jamma. Yet, there is a great deal of controversy brewing just beneath the semi-bearded, kind-of-afro-having Count's near-grisly visage. What is the truth about this man, entrusted with so much power after having been underground for so many years. It is this journalist's duty to find out what exactly are the motives for Count Dante to emerge from a veritable cornucopia of mystery to take so much onto his jewel encrusted plate through the FUCR.

However, despite the mystery that surrounds Count Dante, no amount of subterfuge, whether professionally placed, or the cunning wiles of acrobatic naysayers, can trip up this intrepid reporter!

The photograph to the left shows Count Dante with an unidentified woman. This photograph was taken on January 21st 1965, just one day before her battered body was to be found face down in a pool of blood, mere blocks from the headquarters of the Black Dragon Fighting Society in Chicago, IL, USofA (see picture of corpse below).

All signs pointed to the Count, yet as with all who consider themselves machines of death, confined within the trappings of sinew and bone, Count Dante had an impeccable alibi and was not even questioned by police. His alibi? Enter the Dojo Wars. Perhaps Count Dante's greatest pride, or profound embarrasment, depending upon one's point of view.

At this point, this reporter is still unearthing the facts. But let this be said, Count Dante will not slip from the noose this time. This time, TRUTH is on the prowl! Count Dante, your days are numbered! One, TWo, THREE!!! DING DING DING!!!