Greetings Loyal wardens of the town watch that is the Havershiem Hammer Scoop!
I apologize for my absence, but there's been some compelling turns-of-events regarding campaign contributions, the selling of IL senate seats, and a peculiar pig farm on the outskirts of Prairie du Page, WI enshrouded in a constant mist, in which it is said that at night you can hear the plaintive wailings of a certain F.U.C.R. refugee, they mysterious Tex Brickley. As tantalizing as this story is, my writing is not yet complete, and I feel compelled to have a mid-season investigatory wrap-up of some of the highlights of the Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate.
First off, Rocky Sukiyaki.
Turns out that Rocky-real name Yukkotoshi Matsushita- has been rejected from Japan for his barely-below socially acceptable tastes. A former sumo wrestler going by the name Fuji Jim, Rocky operated in the underground Hentai Bukkake Leagues. Thanks to an investigation headed by myself, Jean Claude Van Damme and Stephen Segall, the League was busted up and Rocky packed his bags and headed for the U.S. But this pedophile story is played out, so that's all I got for Rocky.
Turns out that Rocky-real name Yukkotoshi Matsushita- has been rejected from Japan for his barely-below socially acceptable tastes. A former sumo wrestler going by the name Fuji Jim, Rocky operated in the underground Hentai Bukkake Leagues. Thanks to an investigation headed by myself, Jean Claude Van Damme and Stephen Segall, the League was busted up and Rocky packed his bags and headed for the U.S. But this pedophile story is played out, so that's all I got for Rocky.
Next up, Koschei the Deathless.
Turns out that "Koschei"- also known as Herman Munstburger- is actually under investigation for the death of his wife Wendy Munstburger. Wendy, a Marine reservist, did not report for duty in April of 2007. I'm still working on this dirt. Also, it has been found out that Herman dyes his hair black, and his real daughter "Janey" is pictured above. The model he hired for his stint in Frontier Anarchy is currently bargaining for more money for the deal.
And now,
the coup de grace.
Blackjack Billy, CEO of Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate, is utilizing his newfound success to launch a new fragrance entitled "Billiam for Men". Expect advertising for this new line to pop up more and more in Frontier Anarchy televised and live events.
That's all you get for now loyal readers! I'll continue unearthing the Truth like a bloated stinking corpse, gas escaping from every perforation and orifice, filling the air with the sickly sweet stench of the Truth.
Hammer...
OUT!!!
2 comments:
Damn...I bet if I wore Billiam for men, chicks would react like those babes in the AXE bodyspray commercials. I guess I'll have to make a trip to Macy's tommorrow! Somebody is gonna get some strange this weekend! Whooooo!
Good to see you're back on the case, Ronnie! The wrestling world is a better place with you in it.
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