Blackjack and Brickley: Who Carries Whom Through the FUCR Season

That's right D-Bags!

BJ and TB. Doesn't matter who's carrying whom, both little babies tugging at the stained skirts of Glorpp

Dirty Hands Leave Dirty Traces...

Greetings ladies and gentlemen.

I apologize for not keeping you up to date on the vile doings of the FUCR as it relates to the rest of the world. While vacationing in Fiji I was accosted by a number of spandex clad commandos and was held in a tiger trap, half submerged in an island cypress grove surviving on only a thin stew made of bamboo shoots, leaks, and six types of prawn. I won't bore you with the details of my miraculous escape, however, let me tell you that I was even more shocked to see what had been delivered to my Prairie du Page office during my absence.

Within a plain brown envelope, speckled with what appeared conspicuously as blood, I found a hand written memo describing a potentially earth shattering revelation. The contents of the letter are as follows:

Dear Ronnie.

It has been a long time my friend, too long. I have been following your progress sorting out the sordid underbelly of the infamos FUCR, known as being the most violent video game wrestling association since the Texas Instruments of Death Consortium was internationally condemned back in 1984. Known how wicked the FUCR can be, I hope this message finds you well. In relation, sources inside the White House have revealed to me some information that may aid you in your quest to bring down this most vile of sports. The following information I now put into your hands. It relates to secret congressional meetings that have not yet been revealed to the public, but may send shockwaves through the more violent areas of the Video Gaming Communit. Time will tell whether I am making the right decision in leaking this to you, God speed my friend.

CED

Attention Cpl. First Class XXXXXXXXXXXXX
In light of the increasing violence and perversity of the Video Game wrestling alliance know as the FUCR, sectors of the U.S. Government are targeting certain individuals for arrest and prosecution for involvement in public indecency, incitement to riot, crimes against the state, and crimes against minors. I leave this file in your hands. You know what to do. The pertinent informtion is as follows.

The Video Game Decency Act of 2008 was one of a handful of pieces of proposed federal legislation that failed to get traction in Congress last year in our struggle to reign in the increasing brutality and unwholesome nature of today's modern entertainment. But it is by no means an abandoned issue. In fact, Sen. Sam Brownback, R-Kan., recently resurrected Truth in Video Game Rating Act. Our man in Washington and the legislator behind the Video Game Decency Act is taking a second crack at the idea by resubmitting a functionally identical version of the bill to Congress in light of new revelations.

As reported by GamePolitics.com, Rep. Fred Upton, R-Mich., last week introduced the Video Game Decency Act of 2008 to the House of Representatives, where it was quickly referred to the House Committee on Public Decency and Standards. The bill aims to criminalize any attempt to obtain a less-restrictive age-related rating on a game by failing to disclose the game's (AND GAME RELATED EVENT'S) true contents to the Entertainment Software Rating Board.

The original bill was introduced in the wake of a high-profile, nationally televised FUCR event. The FUCR's 2nd Annual Charles Wheezleton Memoriale w/Cheese, which was broadcast on national television had prompted this action with its lewd depictions of violence, sex and scatalogical content. As the content was aired live, and the broadcast stations had received little information regarding the content, it may be that the FUCR will be held responsible rather than the broadcasters themselves. In light of this, the Video Game Decency Act is meant to "prohibit deceptive acts and practices in the content rating and labeling of video games and video game related events". Let me be clear Ronnie, this is a loophole act. As FUCR as an entity falls within the legal jurisdiction of video gaming, this will potentially have an enormous impact on the FUCR if this legislation finds its way to the light of day.

This legislation is an offshoot of the Family Entertainment Protection Act. Which called for a federal mandate enforcement of the Entertainment Software Rating Board (ESRB) ratings system for video games in order to protect children from inappropriate content.

Shortly after the airing of the Wheezleton Pay Per View, the HCPDS revealed that it already has the power to fine companies as much as $1 billion for not disclosing objectionable content. The board has also said it could punish repeat offenders by refusing to rate their games and events at all, effectively preventing their games from being carried by major U.S. retailers and venues.

Cpl. XXXXXXXXXXXXX, the FUCR, with a combined holding of well over $43 billion and a fan base numbering in the hundreds of millions is becoming an economic and cultural force that has burst the seams of our control, and may prove a threat to our national economy and security itself. we are putting our best men under you to investigate, and prosecute with extreme prejudice this threat to American values. We have come to the conclusion that acts such as the one described above will be the most efficient, and quiet, means of eliminating this threat. Option one was a litany of secret assassinations, cancer attacks, and road accidents. However, considering the high profile of the principle players, this was deemed innapropriate and counter productive. We must pull the teeth of this dragon, but let it remain a dragon. Albeit one under our control. We have options of negotiation that may include increased governmental scrutiny, censorships, and potentially an entire reorganization of the FUCR, all the while maintaining its integrity as an entertainment entity. In essence, we must chain the beast, and turn it towards our own goals.

You know what to do.

Gen. XXXXXXXXXXXXXX July 24th, 2008

Now, my understanding of a board is to ensure the financial solvency of an organization, and to protect the integrity and operations of an institution. If this is so, then the Board of Directors is responsible for the integrity of the FUCR. In relation, the statements made by Miss. Glorpp seem to fly in the face of this reasoning:

"We'll see who's "fucked shit up" when you're lying broke and penniless in the gutter... or working for some other shitty fantasy wrestling promotion!I drove the NWA into bankruptcy and I'm not afraid to do it to The FUCR as well!Mu-hu-ha-hahahahahahahaha!"

It would appear that Miss Glorpp's statements are antithetical to an organization. If it is one's intention of bankrupting an organization, then I would imagine that that person has automatically, and by definition, given up their rights to run an organizationl. I would suggest that the Board of Directors file a suit against Miss Glorpp on grounds of mental capacity to run an organization. And perhaps in the end of the day, she is still only eight, true? I don't believe that children have the legal right to make financial decisions or even to "run" an organization.

Hammer... out.

Dave Ken

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Count Dante and the Millionaire; Creepier by the day...

WHAT A SCOOP! This just in! This scoop is so barely legal it just plain isn't legal!

Count Dante, by his own admission, is a...

wait for it...

wait a little longer...

OK. Ready?..

Count Dante is...

...a Paedophile!!!

Straight from the dexterous fingers of the Count to his own personal blog, combined with the diligence and skill with which this reporter wields his craft, yours truly, Ronnie Havershiem has unearthed a bloated, gas-leaking corpse of TRUTH that may rock the FUCR!

According to the Count:
"I remember a hot night in Laos, 1974. I was there on leave, tending to some wounds I had received in a particularly difficult battle with the Vietcong. She was there on tour with some Soviet pro wrestling organization, I forget the name. We shouldn't have been... but we couldn't not be."

The "she" in question is none other than Sofya Trunchbull Vaginovskovitch, FUCR femme fatale. The blog goes on to say:

"Stars exploded behind my eyes and something magical was in the air. We both felt it. We both knew it. It had to be... and it was. Over and over and over again."

A not so anonymous source has indicated that according to this story written by the Count himself, and in consideration of Sofya's personal history, that Trunchbull was a spry young damsel of only twelve years of age at the time of this indecent encounter! Now, perhaps this kind of shennanickery is acceptable in a third world cesspool, but a fine country like ours has standards and morals.

Not only this, but in defense, and dare say I SUPPORT, of Dante's actions, the Kiddie Touchionaire had the following to say:

And what's so gross about it, that kind of shit happens every goddamn day in Laos. Was it fucking gross when 13 was the usual age for getting married back in the day? Not then.So why take something that happens normally in another counrty, bring it into the USA, than call it gross? What's the point of that?"

Apparently, what was perhaps a jungle-heat exhaustion lapse of judgement on the Count's part, is apparently just A-OK according to the Millionaire! In consideration of Dante's jungle, love-starved position many years ago, is it worse that the Millionaire sits in his air-conditioned office and supports such acts?! The Millionaire with millions appears to be like... well... it appears to be like giving a gun to a monkey.

Again, Havershiem is not here to judge, rather to educate. I think that this story may be my finest bit of investigative reporting, but I'll let the reader decide.

In conclusion, fucking gross.

Hammer... OUT!

Tex Brickley; In the process of losing his marbles?

This just in!!! Unreliable sources may have discovered the whereabouts of Tex Brickley over that past days and weeks! The disappearance from the FUCR scene of this veteran of the league has led to many unfounded accusations, none more so than that which you are about to read! However, sources say that Brickley was not on vacation getting a Brazilian bikini wax, but rather was spending his days lamenting the passing of the glory day's of Flint, Michigan's former theme park Autoworld.

Legend has it, that on warm summer nights, a figure can be seen drifting about the empty lot where the shitty shitty attraction used to stand. This figure, hunched over yet with an aura of power has been heard and seen wailing like an Irish banshee that's lost its lover. It is this reporter's opinion that this mysterious apparition is none other than FUCR manager Tex Brickley! Anonymous sources have also stated that a similar figure has been seen living in the old, busted up giant engine that once used to be a main attraction at autoworld. Further investigation has found that Tex Brickley had been sleeping (or wailing) night after night within the giant engine in it's final resting place where it was dumped, half submerged in the disgusting Flint River. Has Brickley lost it? We'll keep working on this story to confirm it's accuracy!

FUCR: Getting more FUCRed up? The answer is YES!

This just in! Reports have emerged that the FUCR manager "Millionaire" Matt Welz is in possession of a highly controversial cloning center located on one of his many island estates. Sources have yet to confirm this shocking allegation, but reports of hideous, malformed bodies washing up on tropical resorts near the island of Curacao have been consistent over the past months. It is this reporter's opinion that these sightings confirm the allegations of a secret cloning facility.

The Havershiem Hammer Scoop will be following this story as it developes. I, Ronnie, would ask my readers to consider the following:

Why would the Millionaire Matt Welz need such a facility? What purposes could it serve? Is the Millionaire part of some crazy cult, most likely in conjunction with Rev. Killjoy? Or perhaps the Millionaire is constructing a project to develop inhuman super soldiers... or rasslers???

Stay tuned. We're going down the rabbit hole people...

Sofya Trunchbull Vaginovskovitch; Nasty as she sounds? Getting Sacri-fist-oed on the side? Cheating on the saviour?

This just in!!!

Another layer of the stinking, rotten onion that is the FUCR has been revealed!

This intrepid reporter has been notified by a VERY INSIDE SOURCE... (ha ha! I stopped live streamcasting! You'll never know the source now!!!) that FUCR manager Sofya Trunchbull Vaginovskovitch has been having a torrid affair with one of her rasslers! Now, this reporter is not necessarily interested in the goings on of this sordid league aside from exposing the soggy parts that need to be aired out in the fresh air and sunlight of justice before they spore and spread their evil throughout the nation and inside the mind of every American child, but this story simply serves as another example of how disgusting and incestual this league truly is.

The photo seen here shows a very erotic (surprisingly in this reporter's view, considering her lascivious behaviour in and out of the ring) Trunchbull, clutching at the well tanned and toned teat of Sacriphisto, currently in her employ. Now, this brings up two questions:

1) Is it against any bylaws of the FUCR that a manager has relations with one's own rassler? I'm not too up to date on the rules of the FUCR, but in all decency this has to be a conflict of interest.

2) In consideration of various reports emanating from sources within Rev. Killjoy's "Honorarium Compound" in the grey hills of Wyoming (one of many the Rev. has entrusted to him by the Church), there is a possibility of a romance brewing between these two enemy managers.

Taking these questions into account, and considering that the facts keep rolling in regarding Trunchbull's disgusting perversity and brutality (it is rumored that her clit is big enough to penetrate a man, is this true Reverend?), this is not only of interest to those concerned with human decency, but is also a health and safety issue. Many children attend FUCR events and come into contact with copius amounts of bodily fluid throughout an event. In consideration of Rev. Killjoy's erotic crucifixion of Trunchbull, and the heavy amounts of "fluid" resulting during this oh-so-public of obviously well planned fetish acts, there appears to be more than a rumour going around regarding these two disgusting, disgusting human beings and their potential three way gangbang of decadence. VaginaJoyPhist, ugghhhh...

It is this reporter's intentions to bring these stories and questions out and into the public. The court of public opinion will decide what to do with these monsters. And in the opinion of this highly respected reporter, I hope that the public does to them what they did to Frankenstein. I mean his monster.

HAMMER... OUT!

Moist off the "Press" from the FUCR Underground!

This just in. Reports have been rolling in regarding the allegations of homosexuality concerning FUCR legendary manager "Blackjack" Billy! The following pictures, recieved from trustworthy inside sources seem to confirm the suspicions that at least one member of the FUCR may be indeed dallying with forbidden romances!

One source (I don't need to tell you it was an underpaid, temporary Mexican house servant, oh, wait, I just did, I need to stop stream-posting these blogs in real time), took the photo to the left in Blackjack Billy's Hidden Valley Ranch estate. The photo, taken in one of Blackjack's many "Roundup Rooms" appears to be of a young Blackjack and unidentified companion. Unfortunately this will be a onetime news source as the woman has not been heard from recently.

Furthermore, another source (with connections to members of Rev. Killjoy's Church... crap, I did it again...) supplied the Havershiem Hammer Scoop with the following photo taken from the Chicago Gay Pride parade in 1997. Blackjack (allegedly pictured second from right) allegedly not only took part in the parade, but was a significant underwriter for the pictured float. Insiders have traced an intricate web of finance and deceit within this particular story, as it is possible that money from the "Millionaire" Matt Welz's offshore estates were funneled into the coifers of Reverend Killjoy through political action committee donations, and then unbeknownst to the Millionaire, transferred to Blackjack's bank accounts under the auspices of one of Blackjack Billy's lesse known children's charities "Children, the Future's Consenting Adults of Today". We're following this story as it breaks.

On a final note, this reporter has received threats directly from the Blackjack Billy estate (see my blog for the proof!). But let me say, if I am injured or killed, know that there are literally ONES of reporters in the Greater Milwaukee and Prairie-du-Page area ready to step up, kick these tired old blood-sniffing bones to the side, and pick up that hammer where this man fell.

Well Truthseekers, and now truth FINDERS! I leave it up to you to decide. It's time to RISE AND HAMMER-SHINE!

That's all for now friends.

FUCR... Feelin' Up Cocks Rasslin'?

Stay tuned throughout the next few months as I expose the underbelly of the FUCR. Eden of corruption? Snake's pit of deception? Lair of infamy? OR TURKISH BATH HOUSE OF LUST???

It has come to this reporter's attention that the FUCR may be an underground hangout for rasslers "on the down low". As I investigate this scoop, you my fair readers, will be on the business end of the stank. A small peak at the posts will reveal the not-so-latent homoerotic undertones of this international sensation. What could be the consequences of this expose? Perhaps the conservative leanings of Hungary may lead to a revoking of that country's belt? Perhaps a good outing is just what this league needs. After all, we are all open minded members of the 21st century, and perhaps it is for the best that this league "comes out" of the shadows.

This underbelly is not only sordid, but sticky. Follow the journey as we go "under the skirts" to take a look at what happens behind the velvet curtains of the FUCR. Stay tuned dear Truthseekers!

Count Dante, History's Greatest Monster?

Greetings Truth seekers! This just in!

While most of you will have heard of the My Lai Massacre, most likely you are unaware that Count Dante (AKA John Timothy Keehan) was stationed in "The Nam" during this most shameful of American experiences. Not only was Count Dante "in the Shit", but he personally carried with him a body count of innocent civilians equal to or greater than Agent Orange itself! In the photo above, see Count Dante on the right, exiting an armored personnel carrier en route to killing babies at My Lai.

To be brief, on March 16th 1968 approximately 347 to 504 unarmed citizens of the Republic of Vietnam (South Vietnam), the majority of them women and children, were murdered by the U.S. Army. Some of the victims were sexually abused, beaten, tortured, or maimed, and some of the dead bodies were mutilated. We have all heard of the those on the ground such as Lieutenant Calley and Lieutenant Brooks, as well as the infamous General William C. Westmoreland, MACV, who congratulated the unit on the "outstanding job".

Yet, there is a coverup that goes even coverup-ier! As I'm sure you've guessed, there is one piece missing from the puzzle! Enter Count Dante, pictured below in sunglasses next to General Westmoreland. As it turns out, Count Dante not only served in some of Vietnam's "the Shit-iest" battles, but he was an advisor to Gen. Westmoreland. Sources have confirmed that not only did Count Dante participate in the My Lai massacre, but that he planned the entire strategy of terror and murder in the region.

Well folks, again we see that Count Dante is a murdering killer, or a killing murderer, but he can't be both! Or can he??? Yes, he can! Ebeneezer Wheezleton did save the Count's life in the Nam, but the details have always been elusive.

I, as a highly respected member of the Milwaukee media, and the Wisconsin region's 67th most-read news blog, call upon Ebeneezer Wheezleton to open up that vault and explain the truth about Count Dante's actions in the Nam! The pieces fall down and together my intrepid friends! And this story will not go away!

The Havershiem Hammer Scoop!

Hello folks. This is Ronnie Havershiem, intrepid reporter, hot on the heels of one of America's greatest villains. No folks, I'm not talking about Osama Bin Laden, I'm not even talking about Zombie Elvis Saddam Hussein. These days my nose is sniffing out the foul smell of corruption and vice within America's newest street sensation, the FUCR. For those of you who don't follow this pinnacle of rank "entertainment", the FUCR is nothing more than a group of men, some distasteful women, and a collection of hangers ons who engage in the most brutal and depraved forms of organized sportlery this side of the border. I have delved into this world not as a fan, or even as someone who remotely approves of this "sport", but rather as a seeker of truth and justice. My prey has led me to its lair, and I must now enter the lions den. I do this for you, gentle reader and seeker of truth. I have followed the exploits of the infamous Count Dante for years, and today I am announcing that I will be undertaking an open-air expose of this monstrous person. His arrival out of thin air, and straight into the fat air of the FUCR is cause of concern for all of our children. And let me tell you folks, I won't let you down. I solemnly swear to expose Count Dante for what he is (a murdering monster)! And if in the meantime I need to tear down the FUCR, and those who support it, then so be it! From my first post, this is Ronnie Havershiem, with the Havershiem Hammer Scoop Special Report!

Count Dante... Murdering Killer? Or Killing Murderer?

It is no news to anyone who follows the underground world of rasslin' that Count Dante of the Black Dragon Fighting Society is one bad mamma jamma. Yet, there is a great deal of controversy brewing just beneath the semi-bearded, kind-of-afro-having Count's near-grisly visage. What is the truth about this man, entrusted with so much power after having been underground for so many years. It is this journalist's duty to find out what exactly are the motives for Count Dante to emerge from a veritable cornucopia of mystery to take so much onto his jewel encrusted plate through the FUCR.

However, despite the mystery that surrounds Count Dante, no amount of subterfuge, whether professionally placed, or the cunning wiles of acrobatic naysayers, can trip up this intrepid reporter!

The photograph to the left shows Count Dante with an unidentified woman. This photograph was taken on January 21st 1965, just one day before her battered body was to be found face down in a pool of blood, mere blocks from the headquarters of the Black Dragon Fighting Society in Chicago, IL, USofA (see picture of corpse below).

All signs pointed to the Count, yet as with all who consider themselves machines of death, confined within the trappings of sinew and bone, Count Dante had an impeccable alibi and was not even questioned by police. His alibi? Enter the Dojo Wars. Perhaps Count Dante's greatest pride, or profound embarrasment, depending upon one's point of view.

At this point, this reporter is still unearthing the facts. But let this be said, Count Dante will not slip from the noose this time. This time, TRUTH is on the prowl! Count Dante, your days are numbered! One, TWo, THREE!!! DING DING DING!!!