Count Dante, History's Greatest Monster?

Greetings Truth seekers! This just in!

While most of you will have heard of the My Lai Massacre, most likely you are unaware that Count Dante (AKA John Timothy Keehan) was stationed in "The Nam" during this most shameful of American experiences. Not only was Count Dante "in the Shit", but he personally carried with him a body count of innocent civilians equal to or greater than Agent Orange itself! In the photo above, see Count Dante on the right, exiting an armored personnel carrier en route to killing babies at My Lai.

To be brief, on March 16th 1968 approximately 347 to 504 unarmed citizens of the Republic of Vietnam (South Vietnam), the majority of them women and children, were murdered by the U.S. Army. Some of the victims were sexually abused, beaten, tortured, or maimed, and some of the dead bodies were mutilated. We have all heard of the those on the ground such as Lieutenant Calley and Lieutenant Brooks, as well as the infamous General William C. Westmoreland, MACV, who congratulated the unit on the "outstanding job".

Yet, there is a coverup that goes even coverup-ier! As I'm sure you've guessed, there is one piece missing from the puzzle! Enter Count Dante, pictured below in sunglasses next to General Westmoreland. As it turns out, Count Dante not only served in some of Vietnam's "the Shit-iest" battles, but he was an advisor to Gen. Westmoreland. Sources have confirmed that not only did Count Dante participate in the My Lai massacre, but that he planned the entire strategy of terror and murder in the region.

Well folks, again we see that Count Dante is a murdering killer, or a killing murderer, but he can't be both! Or can he??? Yes, he can! Ebeneezer Wheezleton did save the Count's life in the Nam, but the details have always been elusive.

I, as a highly respected member of the Milwaukee media, and the Wisconsin region's 67th most-read news blog, call upon Ebeneezer Wheezleton to open up that vault and explain the truth about Count Dante's actions in the Nam! The pieces fall down and together my intrepid friends! And this story will not go away!